The Beached Whale

I don’t want a soul mate, I want a total stranger
I want to reach across the stellar chasm of anonymity to a world of veils, masks and painted faces
And find another person there
I want to bond two quarks completely foreign to each other
To start new
To defy fate
To divide by zero
And let the magic dissipate
Let the color dry to stale white
And fuck all the angels
I don’t need them casting charms against my sails
I don’t need reminders that God is real, that life’s not mundane
I don’t need to be happy, successful or sane
I don’t want it
I want to be a warrior in a crowded death museum with paintings of old wisemen smirking from a joke you wouldn’t understand
I want to be an ugly weed stripped to withering stem by herbicide
The one that still grows
I want to be the point zero one percent of germs that survive antibacterial soap
I want to be the gas leak in a bankrupt bar caused by an “accident” that leaves the broke owner with an insurance check
I want to explode
I want to be discarded teeth, a bit of ear left bleeding on the ring
I want to be the fight between the weirdest geek in school and the jock boyfriend of his crush
I want to be the child’s shoe locked on the gas pedal of a car speeding to the hospital, eyes barely able to see over the steering wheel, the younger sibling struggling in the back seat to keep breathing
The cancer that grows in your belly telling you you’ll never have children and pushing you puking tumor juice through the gateway to heaven
The dream of riches that comes to mind when investing in a Ponzi scheme
I want to be the tv show running another season after the title character quit to do features
The house on a vacant street that just went for sale
The song of a beached whale
The teeth that tear your leg like sweet release when a bear trap’s caught your paw
The rocking shell of a top-turned turtle cooking in the sun
Defeated but never quite done
I want to grab a boulder by the balls and make my climb humming rock songs like a true Sisyphus
But I won’t buckle and let it drop
No, I’ll push it off