11.4.17

Rejection

Rejection is hard, but do you know what really sucks? To be haunted by flashes of a life you could have had with someone you never even made a move on. I'd rather be a mistake maker than a doubt prisoner. Give me the kind of burn that hurts but stops when its over, I've spent too long dealing with the other; the kind that makes you numb, digs under your skin and goes after your lymphatic system. Gangrene vaining its way up your psyche, parasites made out of "what if," the virus proliferating as you continue to ignore the problem. You're fine. Everything is fine. It's just regular, old, existential dread. Everybody gets it, we all just ignore it. No one got to be the perfect version they imagined when they were kids. It's okay if you're not enough.

Fuck that, drop the china, make it shatter. Flood the aisles, craft disaster. At least if you're the one making the chaos then they can't take it from you.

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